Married with Horses

“Oh Chevy, you don’t understand. Your husband is a horseman. He gets the horse thing, and supports your riding.”

This comment from a client recently had my head spinning.

Mostly because she was right. I do have trouble relating to partners that don’t “get” the horse thing.

My husband rides, and he is pretty punchy. He likes his horses hot, and he likes to ride fast. Confidence is not an issue for him! He understands the amount of time, blood, sweat, tears, and $$ it takes to make a good, safe horse. While he doesn’t show, he understands it and gets that it is important to me.

He also has an appreciation for high quality tack, and himself has a collection of custom bits, so in that regards I am spoiled. He doesn’t blink when I buy a new saddle pad, and if anything I need to monitor his tack spending!

So when the topic shifts to encouraging partners that aren’t familiar with horses to be more supportive, I feel a little out of place.

What I can confidently share is that all relationships (human and equine) take work.
It takes clear communication.

That means talking with your partner ahead of time when you plan to go to a weekend horse show (and not the night before as you are packing the trailer when it turns out he was planning on using the truck to haul hay....)

That means both being on the same page about how much money your family can afford to spend on horses (or cattle, or fishing/hunting trips.)

No matter if your partner is horsey or non-horsey, your attitude when you come back from riding is key to how supportive they will be of your horse habit.

If you regularly come back after a ride grumpy and frustrated, your partner will rightfully so wonder why you bother with such an expensive hobby if it doesn’t even make you happy! If you make a point of coming back from a ride with a “Thank you for taking care of dinner so I could ride, I really appreciate it,” it will go a long way!

It also helps to be supportive of your partner’s hobbies. Just because you are married doesn’t mean you have to do everything together!

For those of you with horsey partners, here are a few things that I have learned along the way:

1. If you ride with your partner, get thick skin. If he criticizes your riding or your horse, take it as feedback for improvement. He probably didn’t mean it the way you took it.
2. Along that train of thought, don’t take riding lessons from each other. It’s one thing to share observations as you ride together on how to improve your horses. It’s a whole other thing to try and teach each other. Trust me on this one-haul to someone else and pay for the riding lessons. You will all be happier if you do.
3. One of you will be more “serious” about riding than the other (and if you are reading this, it’s probably you.) For example, if your partner prefers to trail ride, and you prefer to arena ride, and you want a fun horsey date night, go on the trail ride. Take a break from your schooling. Keep it fun-your date night will be better that way.
4. Just because your partner likes and supports your horse habit doesn’t mean that they get your discipline of choice (if you ride different disciplines). This year I started riding Western Dressage. While Zeb is supportive and happy to film my virtual show entries, he is confused about why the alphabet is out of order. When we first were dating, I entered one of his ranch horses in a local show in western pleasure and horsemanship-which meant I cut and banded her mane. I am surprised our relationship overcame that (he is still mad about this one!)
5. He may try to turn your good broke gelding into a rope horse.
6. If he surprises you with a saddled and ready to ride horse when you get from work, it’s true love.

Basically, communication is key, and even if you had the worst ride ever on your horse, when you get back to the house, have a good attitude.

Get Gritty,

Chevy